WATCH: Samantha Bee: All It Took For CNN To Get It’s Sh*t Together Was For The World To Fall Apart
Samantha Bee started the “check in” segment of her show by saying, “Let’s check in shall we. Our institutions are strong, Nordstrom has not been seized by the national guard…yet. Napoleon BonaTrump did pre-blame the judicial branch for our next terrorist attack. You know to save time, he is a business man.”
“A sentient bag of hairspray fumes was put in charge of education.” But the most surprising?
“CNN had a good day.”
“I know! We couldn’t believe it, either,” the Full Frontal host said. “First, after briefly banning Kellyanne Conway for being a flaxen-haired fountain of lies, CNN let her back through the gates, straight into Jake Tapper’s cage. And they haven’t fed him this week.”
Bee also said “It’s like Jeff Zucker looked at his election ratings and said, ‘Hey, what if it was election all the time?’”
Bee added, “The socialist and this Slytherin played all their greatest hits.” But most shocking was the fact that “this event that we expected to be a pointless trainwreck actually ended up being a semi-thoughtful debate on the merits and flaws of America’s healthcare system.”
“I can honestly say I would give my left tit to have either one of you wonderful mansplaining pricks in the White House right now,” she said of the Sanders and Cruz debate.
“We were watching CNN and not just in an airport bar with the sound off,” Bee added. “We saw you serve the public interests for almost half a day. And sure, it couldn’t last forever,” she said, showing a photo of Don Lemon on the screen. “We’re just hoping you’d wake up hungry tomorrow.”
